Ayma Fale Staff Blogger
Well, seniors, it’s the time you’ve all been dreading. After all of the missed deadlines, unanswered advisor’s emails, and procrastination naps, your thesis deadline is here and you have… nothing. Are you about to pull the most important all-nighter of your life? We’ve got you covered with a few tips and tricks to help you write your thesis the night before it’s due.
FUEL YOUR BODY PROPERLY
The only way to push through the night is to nourish your body with the proper vitamins and minerals. Energy drinks that are high in caffeine and taurine are perfect for this! Drinking two to three cans in an hour span is truly the best way to get your body into gear and clear your mind. I also find that having some light snacks, perhaps an entire Domino’s pizza and two boxes of cheesy bread, followed by a couple pints of Ben and Jerry’s, is really the way to go when you’re stressed and needing some nutrition to perk up. Food is fuel, people! Make sure to fuel yourself properly for an abundance of natural energy and a clear head.
So, you’re on page 12 and your deadline is about three hours away. Your thesis is supposed to be between 30 and 50 pages. Don’t fret, try reformatting instead! Have you tried, say, a size 72 font? Making all of your periods into a string of letters and numbers that bear no meaning? Maybe a font switch will do the trick. We suggest Wingdings for a boost of inspiration. My personal favorite tip is to write your thesis into bullet points. It’s less formal, clearer, and takes up way more space without the brain exhaustion that comes from finishing an actual real sentence. Perhaps you could even try using clipart to portray your ideas rather than actual language. The sky’s the limit. Top line of page 30—here you come!
RETHINK YOUR SOURCES
At this point, you’ve undoubtedly been sitting with a pile of dusty, decaying library books in the corner of your room for about 7 months, have a folder full of printed scholarly articles with a few half-hearted highlights here and there, and have actually no clue what your topic means. Maybe you need to rethink your sources! We have a great student hack that will save you time and effort. Type your topic into the google search bar followed by the word “Wikipedia,” click on the first search result, and BOOM you’ve got a free paper. It’s all sitting right there for you to copy and paste into your own word document. It’s 100% credible and reliable. Your advisor will love it!
At this point, you know that your Senior Capstone Experience is all about your hard work. After you finish your thesis, you’ll be like a little mini scholar on your topic. In order to write the best SCE possible, you have to be independent. When your thesis advisor reaches out, be sure to delete the emails right away. Ignore all of the deadlines posted on your department’s website. Be sure to duck into a closet or bathroom if you ever see your advisor walking around campus. They probably have tons of resources, ideas, and words of advice for you. UGH. Can’t they just realize that this is YOUR project?? Be sure to avoid them before they make it all about them.
TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE BREAKS
Okay, so, you’ve changed your font to a size 48 Hiragino Kaku Gothic StdN, triple spaced, you’ve gotten about 10 pages out of Wikipedia, and you’ve chugged so many Monster Peach Tea energy drinks that you’re pretty sure you’re not even alive anymore. The last thing you need to write is your conclusion. Are you staring at the screen with not one single thought in your head? Maybe a nice brain break will help! Try taking a one hour break after every sentence. This will give you time walk around, get your blood flowing, cry a little, go outside and scream at the moon, and meditate on whether or not your advisor will believe that you got abducted by aliens and actually need a few years extension. These breaks will possibly motivate you to finish even one singular thought, that is if your brain is even capable of doing that anymore. But, no, take a break. You deserve it.
JUST GIVE UP
Yeah, no. Nope nope nope. Graduation isn’t that big of a deal. See y’all next year!!
Photograph by April F. Ooles